I revisited a pit this week. Yeah, I know, that sounds weird. But stay with me.
I was feeling low. Emotional. Just not myself. I didn’t want to hang out with me. Make sense?
My thoughts had been going back to someone else’s critical, hurtful words. That was the pit.
You see, I had poured my heart out to someone. I was craving encouragement and wisdom. I needed someone to see my whole story, but still see me as valuable.
We all have our dark closets.
I thought I could trust her. I opened the door. The things you’re afraid to say out loud-those are the things I said. I was searching for hope-for someone to let me lean into them. I wanted someone to pray with me and for me.
But instead of encouragement, there was judgement. Instead of hope, accusations. Over and over, I listened to how I wasn’t good enough. I fell short. I missed the mark. My life’s circumstances-my story- made me unfit and unable to discern what was right. She said if I did life like her, things would be different.
Her words made the pit.
But my heart jumped into the pit.
I spent months there.
Questions plagued me. Am I enough? Maybe I’m not a good mother? Maybe all my baggage is too much? What if I’m doing this all wrong? Can God do something with me? Why am I alive? Do my kids really need me?
And this week, I found myself looking down into that pit again and remembering all I had felt.
Broken.
I’ve never doubted my worth more than when I listened to her.
But I will not listen to those lies again.
This is me refusing to jump into that pit. People will think what they’ll think. But that doesn’t mean it’s true. My identity is found in Christ Jesus alone-not in what others think of me.
I am not enough. But Jesus is. I make mistakes. I sin. But thank God he saves from sin, and makes beauty out of ashes. He has the power to work through every mistake. My baggage is part of my story.
What she saw as my weakness-God sees as an opportunity for his glory.
I’m alive for the glory of Jesus Christ. To know him. To enjoy him, and to point others to His incredible grace. And for as long as God allows I will speak truth. I won’t ever stop. I’ll shout it out loud till the day I take my last breath.
I am not enough!! But Jesus is!
Maybe right now, your standing near the edge of a pit. I’m not sure what your pit is, but let me speak truth into your life.
You are not enough, but Jesus is. You are not what others think about you. Your baggage does not define you. God sees your whole story and still says you are valuable. You are made in the image of God, and you were put on this earth for a purpose that only you can fulfill. God wants you. You matter to him.
So, grab my hand.
No really, grab it. I’ll be the voice that speaks truth to you. Lift up your head. Turn your back on that pit. I’m turning my back on mine, too. Refuse to listen to the lies. Remember the truth. Together, let’s walk away with our heads held high because even though we are not enough, Jesus is.